((Open eyes))--
The sad part is yes.
i hate to say that i see the potential of him doing something bad-- hate to say it due to I see good- but as Rose76 in the other thread mentioned as many others echo as well is that people can be both of these things and it comes down to choices.
The thing with telling the cops- i don't even know where my brother lives (aint that great!)- he has been great with keeping that from me- he will up and leave a place as well-
As well as i have no real ground evidence-- just my experiences and my feelings and thoughts-- they can not go investigate someone with my past experiences with my brother with out him doing something (and actually I can double check that with a sate officer that i know, but I am pretty sure that unless he does something in the now, they can not just go and investigate him off of my emotions and thoughts)- and I by no means want to instigate something like that to where the cops are needed to be called; as I look back on my past I should had called when we lived together with him being violent but I did not due to fear-- i just left with saying he needs to help himself-- i wish i would had just stayed away. but I need to stop going back to that, I did not, and I need to do what I need to do in the now and learn from that past and not repeat it again.
And calling the cops-I guess this last time in the hospital is due to his GF called the cops on him, and he went to the hospital and they let him out again. I really don't get it. Is the economy that bad where people can not be held and get help-- see that is one thing- how many times- I asked that in the Dr. Clyde section, and It has not been answered, i tried to look it up in google too but not finding anything with a law of so many attempts and they mandate treatment.
I do agree-- him not calling me back he knows hurts me-- so ya know- I am back where I was about a month ago- i don't need to answer his calls if he is not going to respect me back.
His Friend replied back to me today-- She (the wife of couple) is emotionally distraught as I read her email--- She is like me, she wishes for him to get help-- I just wrote back and email that laid it all out--right now I am to the point of I don't care if they disconnect with me-- I know she means well but she basically asked me to do something so I laid it out to her- even though in 2008 i needed my own help and still do, even back then i told him that we both needed help-- then on to 2010 when i would see him in jail, and then 2011 when he admitted he needed help, and now-- I realized while typing it all up-- 4 years and it is just becoming stronger with get help...
I pointed out to his friend that he has used that bad behavior on them right now that he at times uses on me that is lighter side of things but still bad-- She writes that they called him to check up on him due to being worried, and when he asked if he could stay with them and she said no he could not, he went off with that no one cares about him, and that they don't care about him, and just a guilt a trip... he knows that they care and he can play that to his advantage- I don't see the husband (also his friend) taking this too lightly... the husband can be more forth right and say what he thinks to my brother even though they are friends and they get into it through out the years... But I laid out all that I did- I mentioned in 2008 that I know I needed my own help (still do as I mentioned as well) but the thing is that i shared all that i was doing with my brother and it still is not a path that he wants to take.
ya know, I don't hope the worse with my brother, I really don't--- as always- i am done with this struggle. but i rather him go back to jail for some thing petty than something horrible...
Sister#4 and PC Friends like Open Eyes and both Roses (Panachee and 76)
have mentioned the one big ting-- I have engulfed myself in this... It is almost like Einstein's saying on insanity
Quote:
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Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.Albert Einstein
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i chuckle in a sad but also like in a "you fool" way , when i read that-- not a bad fool way, but that in away it is that (insanity) and in a way it is like "hell" -- Repetition is hell (ever read Dante's Inferno? -- repetition is one of the things that a group sinners are doing is where i get that from)... I see this chuckle as a good sign-- it means i am done- the chuckle is stress reliever of all this crap-- think it is a good thing to recognize for me.
As I mentioned with my SO letter and saying sorry- I have been thinking on that more-- even though I have again fallen with it all--- this time around I am more at ease with the decision due to it is like finally -- I think I did get this "through my head" it sounds harsh but I am not sure how else to explain that.. as well as I had a dream last weekend-- I know that may sound silly but when I have impacting dreams of the sort that are hand in hand with my life struggles that are going on-- usually it is in a way my brain also going with it-- it is hard for me to explain.
big deep breath in-- and let the exhale of this be of the bad energy from this... to be honest with my brohter not calling me yesterday and just his friends-- I think says a lot there-- He knows I wont let him stay with me any more (SO Wont Allow it any ways) and he did not even call to beat me up to make him feel better after he tried it with his friends... I feel bad that he is now doing this to his one last good true friends though. I don't wish this pain on any one.