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My S.O. got back recently from being away for a few weeks visiting family at quite a distance.
When he first left, I felt real lonely. Then, gradually, I felt better and better. For about a week before he came back, I was feeling close to fantastic. That is quite remarkable, since I suffer from chronic recurrent depression.
We don't live together. Tried that a few times and it always ended badly. We are very close, however. I'm very fond of him. (We've cared deeply for each other for many years.) Also, he is handicapped and I help him out when he needs a hand. Generally, he does pretty well independently.
During the interval when I got to feeling so great, I was starting to fix up my house, which has been neglected due to prolonged depression. I even went and did some major cleaning and reorganizing of his place. He was very appreciative of the work I did when he got back. He seemed quite surprised.
I was surprised myself. Energy was coming out of my ears for a bit there. It's a long time since I've felt that well. In less than 5 days, I've started to lose my enthusiasm. Seems like I started to slide down shortly after he returned.
I picked him up at the airport. On the way home, he started screaming at the top of his lungs about someone who jay-walked in front of me. (I was prepared. I'm always on the look-out for problems driving, and I don't get upset when someone does something they shouldn't. People have to watch out for me, as I'm not perfect either.) I pulled the car over and put it in PARK. I told him the car wasn't going to move until he quit yelling and promised to remain calm for the rest of the 5 mile trip home.
He couldn't understand me reacting as I did. He said that he was not yelling at me, but that he was yelling in support of me. "That guy shouldn't have stepped out into traffic like he did! You shouldn't have had to stop for him!" This tends to happen a lot . . . until I get to where I won't get into a vehicle with him . . . then he promises to behave and that lasts for awhile.
I stayed a few days at his place. At times, he was nice as pie. At times, he was irritable and foul-mouthed. "Hey, the place looks so nice. Thank you, SweetHeart, for all the work you did." Then: "I can't find the widget. Where the blazes is the widget." He actually is rather good-natured and optimistic. (I'm the depressive.) But he has these spasms of irritability. After awhile, I find it nerve wracking. He always quickly recovers and never broods over anything. Still, I tend to get demoralized around him.
He says that I'm too sensitive. I'm sure he is correct on that. But even his own family tell me that I must be relieved to have a break from him for awhile.
He goes away once a year. Sometimes, it seems I get to feeling my best after he has been away awhile. This seems to suggest a pattern and I don't know what to do about it. ???????????
I refuse to live with him. But I do still love him and trust he loves me. I guess I'll try to stay away from him for awhile. How sad is that.
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