Quote:
Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse
Shame has always been a part of my life as a result of the way I was brought up. I mean, everything was my fault---the fact that it was 1958 and abortion wasn't legal then, the fact that I was loud and boisterous and not the model child my sister was, the fact that I was human and did the stupid things kids do.
Now, logically, I KNOW it's not my "fault" that I'm bipolar. It's not even my fault that my oldest son is bipolar, too. But I hate being weak and needing help---it's why I've long resisted going into psychiatric care---and even though my parents are long gone, I think sometimes how embarrassed they would have been by a daughter with mental illness. After all, 'decent' families don't have those problems....... 
|
I can relate to the family thing. I have spent many, many hours feeling guilty -- in the sense, "My parents did not deserve a daughter like me." I have made their lives hell at times.
Atr this point, I feel the only way I can forgive myself is doing something useful with my life. I want them to be proud of me and see me as a successful, functioning adult.