1. We are both co-dependent, so it's even more important for both to give and take as equally as possible. The only thing that allowed us to stay together as long as we did is we live separately and I can be very flexible when faced with extreme rigidity; probably because I've been conditioned that way throughout and since childhood. But being chronically too flexible results in losing elasticity - particularly the ability to bounce back. I lost that completely to a degree such that anxiety kicked in when I noticed he had skipped a meal which causes his blood sugar to drop and he becomes easily irritated. Or when he drank too much and I'd quietly panic as I watched him spiral into a blackout; stranded without a vehicle and knowing he had to drive us home, et cetera. Eventually I refused to drink with him anywhere and THAT became sticky because he seemed to revel in conning me into eat out (I usually don't) somewhere alcohol was available. If I said ANYthing about those things later, no matter how good a mood he may have been in he would always say, "so it's all about you!". At which point I'd try to explain obvious general concerns which instead led into unresloved arguments. Peace was only possible by shutting up and pretending we never had the discussion.

2. I incessantly caved and gave up all backbone in order to make or keep peace.

3. Self-awareness? Mindfulness? Neither of which was he interested in trying. That is odd, imo, considering he is an international journalist who reads people like a book. He is extremely detail oriented in certain things, but seems guilelessly unaware of others however conspicuous. After about a year, I began to wonder if he is a narcissistic sociopath. Honestly, he has most classic characteristics of both. I still wonder.

4. I have no idea. Standing my ground freaked him out, however subtle or unsubtle. I could be polite, then he would "mistake kindness for weakness" which he has zero tolerance for. He said he respected the fact I could stand up to him, however "enough is enough" - time to back down again and find my corner, so to speak. If I remained calm and firm, he'd say I was inflexible, a control freak and "always insisted on having everything" my way. When I tried to break off our relationship at least a half dozen times, he would immediately switch gears to Mr. Charming. If I pointed out what he was doing, then I wasn't trying hard enough to work things out and he was making all the effort. If I accepted Mr. Charming, he switched right back to being overbearing, intolerant and hypercritical and I was instant doormat again. Sometimes all of this could occur within minutes. Extremely exhausting.

Thank you for your feedback. I hadn't expected any, but your response and questions succinctly nails quite a lot and adds perspective.