-- i was reading Buddhist blog thing-- they were talking about suffering.

Suffering is a choice they mentioned. due to we ignore, deny or do not let the pain come and go- we hold it with our stories.

I know this is expressing anger in a healthy way thread- but for me pain and anger some what do go hand in hand in a lot of ways.

This reading on this Buddhist- it got me to think a little- I am angry with a lot with my brother right now-- which is where a lot of the source of the last two posts of mine here are about.
I do believe a part of this anger comes down to I am not capable of controlling him-
I know I can not control another- And ya know I keep remembering
"Grant me the strength to change what I can, and to accept what I can not, and the wisdom to know the difference"....... I stumble on that a lot some times.. But even that there coupled with the Buddhist's blog-- i got to even more thinking and feeling out on my anger here--
A part of me that is angry is due to I cannot control him; I believe angry about this due to I feel as in the past I had allowed him to control me-- and at times even today have allowed him to control me by using my emotions against me... It hurts a lot- And No I am in way saying I wish I could do the same to him- I wish I was able to control him to go get help to better himself, to better the people around him, so him and I could have a better relationship-- that is what the control is about on my part-- make him want to help himself to go get help... But I can not- He Only Has that Control for himself, no one else---

"We only let people hurt us if we allow them to"- correct? that is another saying I think on from time to time that I can twist to the point that it comes down to we allow those people to hurt due to we gave them trust, or we gave them a part of us-- the thinking (that admittedly I get at times) of not allowing others to be a part of trust, and in my life- is harshly putting a brand on others due to some I have allowed to hurt me..... I try best with not thinking that way but it can be tough when in pain, which comes anger for me most of the time.

A lot of this has made me realize that with me "allowing" others to control me by what they do, or what they do to me or say to me- to the point that I am suffering, wanting to leave this world due to I want this all over and that is the only thing that I can control is me leaving or staying (but yet I do not want to leave due to i have other things going for me as well )---But It has opened a little window in my mind of -- I should be more keen to this in the future and in the now-- something really big to work on for me- It is something is wired into my brain as far as this is the treatment as I got from childhood and have allowed it continue on-- it was a bad learning skill back then, and it needs to change-- ... so solution time.

To remember that I do control me-- others do not-- and with that simplistic saying a lot can come from it-- I control me, I allow to not let the pain and pass when I am hurt, I allow others to in ways manipulate me due to fear or pain... I do not want this any more for I get angry, anger is a product of the pain. So I need to remind myself the simplistic idea-- I control me-- I do not control others-- and what they do is in their control.

hope that makes sense a little thought IDK if any really reads this stuff from this thread any more

(Be well all) and it is a working progress

oh and as i was rereading this-- I get angry that others from the outside expect me to do something- to fix the problem with my brother-- So I guess i am not the only one that has trouble getting that--