I kind of wonder if you'd like to blame the therapist, rather than your wife, for her part in the breakdown of the marriage. I don't know who did what over the years, but it does sound like her response to therapy is indicative of issues that go WAY beyond the therapist.

By which I mean: if my therapist asked me to do this to my husband, I would refuse. And probably get a new therapist. That's because I have no desire to manipulate my husband, and I'd be disturbed by anyone who suggested that I do so. That says something about me and the way I view my marriage; that your wife willingly went along with it says something about her and how she views her marriage. First YOU had no faults (this is not a good sign), now her therapist can tell her to manipulate you? If that's even what her therapist said... it may just be what she heard, and not at all what her therapist said. Another reason you can't really put this on T. Either way, she took what her therapist said as a reason to "probe" you, as if she was a child, and it was her mom asking her to probe her dad for information out of suspicion.

My husband also saw a therapist who said things I didn't like -- and I mean, things like trying to diagnose me without ever having spoken to me (a sure sign of a crummy T). But while I didn't like T, it was my husband I blamed whenever he fell right into it. He's a big boy and knows when someone is mistaken about me or how to approach me, and any time he buys something he knows is untrue just because it makes him feel better in some way, it's a situation where he knows he is doing wrong. That in and of itself is bad for our marriage.

I'm glad your wife apologized -- because it's on her, not T. Although if T did suggest this (which, again, you can't know), it's pretty bad therapy, in my opinion. But bad therapy, I have to tell you, is not something on which you can blame your divorce. If I've misunderstood and that's not what you're saying, you can disregard it... I just can't think of why else you'd include all of the information about it "causing" you to end your marriage.