Zen, again, your words sound almost like they came out of my mouth, although it may be that our common experiences have left us with different needs. I also grew up with that tacet command of "don't bother your parents". In my case, it left me craving physical attention, which is why that visualization works well for me, when I am not getting actual hugs. But it sounds like you and I are pretty similar in that we expect very little from our friends, but when we want something, it is crucial we receive it. The problem is, if you expect very little from people, then that's what we tend to get. You said that you actually don't want someone who would "fawn all over you", so you choose people who are not inclined to respond to your needs when they do arise.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I totally understand where you are coming from because I've had a lot of the same issues. And I think realizing that you choose the "wrong" people for your needs is a first step toward changing the pattern. But it may also help to look at how you reach out to people...I know for me, since I was always told not to be a bother, sometimes I feel like I am screaming for help, but the people around me never even hear it, because I'm really whispering (if that makes any sense).

But whatever happens, I do hope you find the comfort you need. And I hope you take what I say above as being too preachy...I'm just trying to share what has helped me, since your words struck such a chord...maybe it doesn't apply to you at all.

(((((Zen)))))

mj