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The "wicked game" as she described it was where she would say things to me that were designed to get negative reactions from me. She would then make note of my reactions and try to come to conclusions about what my flaws were based on those reactions. I wish that I could come up with concrete examples, but I wasn't keeping track. In some ways it was like "destroy my belongings". There was no apparent rhyme or reason for the things she said. The appearance was of someone not on the mend, but getting worse. And, having had six years of some pretty bad stuff, I felt it was time to give up.
I think that she described it as a "wicked game" and apologized for it indicates something about what she thinks now. She despises me for having “abandoned” her, so she wouldn’t apologize for something at this point without good reason.
I feel that the therapist was right in wanting my wife to have a realistic view of me. I think equating me to her father was not something appropriate since it seems like something that was more likely to cause problems than solve problems.
I think there is agreement from everyone that my wife had an unrealistic view of me, and the therapist was right to prompt my wife to try to achieve a realistic view of me. I don’t disagree. It really was that particular comment, and the method used to achieve that realistic view.
I never considered the possibility that my wife might have taken the therapist’s recommendations and translated them into entirely different actions. I guess that’s something I can’t know.
I am sure this looks awful for me. It looks like I don’t want to take responsibility for my share. But at some point a person has to give up on a relationship. I feel cheated that our last chance was spoiled by something she admits was artificial. If it were not for this “game” we might possibly have survived and flourished. That’s very difficult to accept.
I think my question is answered. There is no way I can judge the therapist based on this because I can’t know what the therapist actually said and what the therapist actually recommended.
Thanks everyone.
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