AbandonmentIssues,

I know that you feel lots of darkness and self-hate. But, that doesn't mean that your words are true. Feelings and reality are often very, very different! Please give yourself (and your baby girl) a break from this self-blame and self-hate ~ you are BOTH suffering the consequences of the ongoing negativity. That is a fact.

While it's very hard to keep off the self-hate express, that is what you REALLY NEED to do! Many of us (myself included) have been on board this crazy train for many years. We are advising you with personal experience, compassion, and understanding. It IS hard ~ absolutely no doubt about it. Does that mean that you can't take care of your baby girl?? No, it doesn't. You CAN take care of her. You can do a great job too!

But, you really need to focus your energy on taking care of yourself (physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually) ~ because each aspect of your being impacts the health of your baby. Please ~ focus on your baby girl. Your baby and yourself need that attention and love. There is no room for self-hate and self-blame on the bus of motherhood.

I really doubt that you feel that you are unable to be the primary parent of your daughter, right now you're just stuck on kicking yourself. Well, it's time to stop that. You'll have plenty more opportunities as a parent to kick yourself. That comes with the territory of parenthood. Unfortunately, it's just part of the job. But, so is sweet love and amazing faith that you know everything! Those feelings are there a lot more often, thankfully. Focus your positive thoughts simply on your baby girl. Every time your thoughts go towards him, bring your sweet baby girl back into your head. Do this over and over and over again. Because that's what you really need to do right now.