Right now I feel so unhappy. I am tired of complaining, but this is my place to vent and get all your opinions and support. I don't know where to start. Frst of all my $ situration is horrible. I really have to start looking for a job outside of waitresssing again b/c the waitressing thing is not good for me in many ways. I have been training at this new place for watressing, but I am not into it anymore. I have been out of the corporate world for a year now after getting laird off. I never really felt like i succeded in any of my jobs. But I have to try again and hopefully my mental stuff is better now that I can focus more on my job. I don't even know where to start. Next - I don't know if I can afford living on my own at this point and have been thinking about sublettingmy apt and moving in with my mom and brother temporarily to save money. I am trying to work on this debt consolidation thing which is going to be like $700 a month. I am 33 and my life is such a mess still. I have no boyfrriend or hopefulls in that area. I know I need to get my life together before I can think of that. or at least get on my feet and on the right road.
All I want to do is curl up in a ball somewhere and forget about everything.
I don't have health insurance so my meds are running out. I can't take all this anymore. Part of me thinks nothing will ever be better. I know I have to take the steps to at least try to get things better, but I don't feel like I even have the strenghth to do that.
I was supposed to get up early today to try to at least clean my apt which is a mess. Everything a mess. I didn't get up early, got up like at noon. I am still upset that an ex didn't email me back about getting together. Maybe I just want someone to make it all better for me. I don't know. I just can't take this life anymore. I am not talkiing about killing myself, although I have some thoughts sometime. I can't afford a therapist right now. Maybe it would be good to live with my mom while I get on my feet, although she ihas her own mental crap amongst other things. I don't know. Thanks for listening.
I am going to try to do something, although I am almost out of my anxiety meds which help me get thru this.
C