Thank you for the hugs and kind words.

I used to SI quite frequently for 8 years, then it became every few months, then I went almost 2 years, like I mentioned. I'm especially worried though because the last time was only 2 months ago. I don't want the frequency to increase. I still have the urge today, but it's not nearly as strong.

I'm not sure if I should tell my T or not though. Last time I saw him, I told him how I wanted to but hadn't and we discussed, among other things, the possibility of me going inpatient. The doc had just upped my meds the day before though so we agreed to give it some time to see if I'd feel better. I picked the date August 6th. If I'm not feeling safer by then, I'll go. But I'm seeing him July 31st. I can't (literally can't due to family obligations) be hospitalized before the 6th, so I'm pretty distressed over whether or not to tell him.