My parents tried to hide the dysfunction, and now as truths surface, i'm trying to not let it affect me.
My mum never gave me any affection after I was old enough to wipe my own arse. My dad had a drinking problem (idk if i was affected, but will elaborate) He got drunk with his buddies, came home penniless, weddingringless, had an affair/s, a possible child, and APPARANTLY I went with him everywhere. I know I used to hide his car keys so I could tag along, but don't remember ANY of our outings. Why this concerns me now? I blocked out my csa imposed on me by my older brother, only remember flashes. Recently I learned that my eldest sister also suffered csa, by my FATHER, the man I worshipped and followed around like a puppy coz he gave me the affection my mum wouldn't. And when she told my mum, she accused my sister of seducing him, and she was threatened and guiltripped into silence by my eldest brother, whom I also hero-worshipped (not my abuser). Both 'heroes' are now dead, my sister told me post-mortem, after i let slip that i've been screwed up since age 9. She put 2 and 2 together, but I never told her who my abuser is coz I dont want to wreck my family, and idk how to feel about what she told me... My mum wanted a divorce when I was in HS, finances stopped her, my dad had some secret financial trouble, all of a sudden we went from wanting for nothing, to not having food. He cashed in my policy that was set up for university, I never went. Nobody knows where any of his money went... These days, I hardly speak of my 'heroes', my sister cnntinues to be the ever faithful daughter, and looks after our mum. My mother continues to be as cold as ice, except toward my brother, and her grandkids... She goes out of her way for my brother, while I remain an after thought, except for when I need to scratch in my purse or help her figure out how to survive the last week of the month. Thats when I'm the go-to guy... So, my family? not THAT bad, but fully disguised as the Brady bunch to the outside world.

Wow, can't believe I just 'confessed'.