((((((WP))))))

Wow, I SO get how hard it is to be in a place of wondering if you should leave a T you feel connected to and safe with.

Just from reading what you wrote, it sounds like you really need someone who can help you learn to manage your anxiety. If your T's only tool is "take meds" and you tried that and decided that it wasn't for you, then you need some other things you can try.

For me, when I was seeing T regularly, it was SO HARD to pull myself away. I loved him, and we had worked so well together for so long. And, honestly, I guess I ended up only "sort of" quitting...he has been there through the process of my son having surgery, and I've seen him 2 times in the six weeks since I quit. For me, stepping away from the intensity of the relationship was super hard, but allowed me to see what it really is that I need (which, for me, seems to be occasional emotional support, since I felt done with the hard-core trauma stuff). I think when we're in it, it's just really hard sometimes to get perspective on what it is we really need.

Aren't you doing a intensive (residential?) program soon? Will you see T during that? I wonder if that will help clarify things for you.

It's hard to be in a place of "not knowing"!