A follow-up: over yesterday and the night, I came to the conclusion that going into this environment even if I really need something on my head wouldn't be a good idea.

I just got out of a hurtful, dismissive relationship, I can't go back in one that's just as bad if not worse. so I called and told them that it's probably not the right environment for me, and now I'm irritated, hurt, and feeling a little paranoid.

I feel as if, had I not called, they wouldn't have called me back. I feel hurt that when I told them it doesn't seem like the right environment for me that they "came to the same conclusion" but didn't even tell me until I broached the subject. I feel hurt that she was dismissive about the computer being my main source of entertainment.

And I feel angry that she told me "You need to be humble and ask for help, and you need to ask for help from the right people.". Who are those magical 'right people' is what I want to know here! I just feel so angry at her, and worse is that I'm afraid that it's all my own fault and that I'm not rational.