Hello, thanks for posting this on here. It sounds like your thoughts and feelings are a bit out of control. My own experience is that trying to control my feelings is not the answer. Accepting the feelings and trying to understand where they are coming from works better for me.

I am a bit concerned about you here. I see in your status that you say you are about to be suicides slave. That, along with this post, makes me worry about your health. I have read other posts from you, but forget now whether you have a therapist or any support from your family or friends with your mental health issues. The reason I ask is because I hear you asking for help and the type of help it sounds like you need is from a professional. Therapy is the best way, in my opinion, to learn how to deal with those difficult feelings. And perhaps seeing your doctor to let them know what is going on with you emotionally? I don't know if any of that is an option, but from what I have read about you it sounds like you are dealing with some severe depression. I'm really sorry you are hurting.

Finally, I understand the urge to just not want to care. I think not caring about anything could be a short term solution to try and protect yourself from hurt, but it probably won't bring you to a happier place. I can't tell from your post what the jealousy or other bad feelings are about, but it sounds like you are completely overwhelmed by your feelings. Besides seeing a doctor or a T, I think the best other option (for me) in dealing with my feelings is journaling. Sometimes getting my thoughts and feelings on paper helps me release them a little.

This was a LONG response for such a short post. I tend to be long winded.... Thanks for posting and I hope you will continue to let us know how you are doing.