So you think your T is never defensive, so that makes him better than H? Or T's defensiveness would somehow be more acceptable to you? Why do you get to analyse your H up one side and down the other, and he doesn't get to say even this one little thing? (Aside from the fact that sure, you're probably better at it.) Why do you even WANT to analyse your H? Just saying, "you act like this because of abuse" does nothing for anybody. It takes years to change how we "do", and we are some pretty highly motivated people here, I think. Defenses are strong. You want him to do what you can't do? Similar to how divorced parents expect their children to get along with new adults in their lives, when the parents couldn't get along with the OLD ones (to put it simplistically, I admit).

And really, how thrilled would you be for H to be running to his hot T after MC? I'm not trying to be unsupportive, I am trying to support you building a bridge to your H; if that's not what you want, that's okay too.