hankster, you jump to a lot of conclusions about me. Some of that may be me expressing myself poorly; I don't know. I don't try to analyze my H. He has admitted that he continues to engage in behaviors over and over, despite knowing how deeply hurtful I find those behaviors. I have *suggested* to him possible reasons for that, and suggested that these might be areas he could discuss with his individual therapist, or with MC. I do not reveal his private stuff to MC, nor do I try to tell him that any of these things ARE the reason for his behaviors.

As for my T, he makes mistakes and he has hurt my feelings. When I have told him about his mistakes or my feelings being hurt, he has never reacted in a defensive way, and he has CHANGED his behavior as a result. So in that way, YES, he is perfect in his imperfection. Everyone gets to be imperfect. It's how they react when confronted with their errors that makes all the difference to me.

If my H got on a anonymous forum and said my wife has X, Y and Z issues as a result of childhood physical and sexual abuse, I would not say ANYTHING about it, or try to stop him. I resent him saying, in front of a real person, my wife has X, Y and Z issues as a result of physical and sexual abuse. I get to decide, hankster, who knows that about me in real life.

I have told exactly three people in real life about the thing that my H said to MC yesterday. I was a year into therapy before I told my current T. I told my H about it pretty early on because I love him and didn't want him to get too deep into the relationship without knowing, because I wanted to protect him from the disgusting person I think I am. I wanted to give him an opportunity to get out before he was too attached to make a rational choice. THAT'S how much I loved him. And the reality in my life, hankster, is that he NEVER loved me that much, and still doesn't and is totally willing to throw me under the bus in an attempt to excuse his own conduct. Judge me all the **** you want for turning for support to someone who doesn't ever judge me or use my issues as an excuse for poor conduct on his part.