I am feeling bad again today. Sorry to bother you with this but I was hear and it was on my mind. I have not had this many depressive episodes so close together in a very long time. Not since I was diagnosed with major depression when I was in college 10 years ago. I keep taking my meds, 1 or 2 a day, wellbutrin and xanax. I am so irritable today. I hate myself, my body image. I hate my house and my housekeeping abilities, I'm not good enough at anything. I worked really hard this morning to try to clean up the kitchen and it doesn't look to me like I did anything. I really need to start baking, I make dog treats and sell them, but I am sitting here at the computer rambling. My kids are being really good but I still find them irritating. I hate this, I'm blah and going nowhere. My husband will be home around 2:30, that usually helps but I am feeling a bit anxious that he will get upset about my frame of mind. I was good yesterday until bedtime, a good mood, happy, productive, easy to get along with. Then went to bed and had trouble sleeping, been waking up a lot lately at night. Then I woke up like this. When does it stop coming back? This repeating cycle, I know what is coming and feel helpless to stop it, there are two ways this could go for me, I could start cying uncontrollably at the smallest things or the minor OCD will kick in and I will go on a cleaning binge that will last for a couple of days. That just drives my husband nuts but he gets out of the way making sure I stop long enough to eat. Sometimes he even helps with the cleaning trying to get me to stop, kind of funny actually. Anyway, I better get baking, I have an order to send this week. Thanks for listening (reading). Good things coming Friday, my two oldest kids are coming home from their dad's. Something I can look forward to.