In your original post you asked how to know if your self esteem was accurate. Accurate implies that you're comparing it to something. There's not anything to compare it to. If you think you're awesome, you have high self esteem. If you think you suck, you have low self esteem. There's no "reality" to compare it to. Comparing it to other people's opinions isn't gauging your self-esteem, it is comparing your feelings about yourself to other people's opinions. That's like comparing your plans for your dream vacation to someone else's post-vacation slideshow. Similar concepts but not comparable - their experience has nothing to do with the way you feel in your head.

It's more along the lines of - do you think you're a good person? Do you think your needs are important? Do you work hard at making sure your needs are met? Do you think you have value?