I agree with what Pachy and Perna have said--
I think it should also be a thought on what you have mentioned as well--
Quote:
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I built some tendency to get masochistic, and developed hunger for more shock and stimulation.
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It seems like perhaps-- And I could be wrong, but this feeding a little into the negativity-- and with being a good heart person ((you seem to be Twofaces with what little I have read from your posts)), that may help with some internal agony with "why am i doing this?"...
I say try to balance out things-- it is ok to expose ourselves that there is evil in the world, however there is a lot of beauty and good things as well... It is ok to say things could be worse, to see the brighter side of things that one has in life, but not only see those things, but to cherish those good things as well..
I am not sure if that is at all helpful- but it is my take on it
Be well