Still thinking about this. I think that you and your wife have a much different dynamic than my husband and I do. Your questions are good ones in general. However, I don't think that they really apply to my case. The things he NEEDS to be responsible for are things like getting a job (not my need -- it's HIS need), remembering appointments, and when faced with more than one thing on his list to do, prioritizing and learning how to do it himself. My husband is not a particularly competitive or agressive guy, but he does find it emasculating when he can't figure out how to get started on things that are simple for me. Do I play a role in it? I don't know. We both have been going to therapy for many, many years and my therapist hasn't given me the impression that I'm difficult to work with or condescending. She attributes it more to him having a hard time with traditional gender roles and not feeling capable of being the "man" in the relationship, and as I said, he's not a particularly competitive guy in terms of our relationship, so I think it might be hard for ANY man to be in his position.

The reason I said I'd rather be taken out of the equation is that I have been the sole cheerleader and teammate for him for the past 6 years, and he still is struggling, fighting depression, and has no career path (and right now, doesn't even have a job). I'm not reluctant to help him, but my attempts haven't been very successful, so we need to try something new. I love working with him as a team and would gladly keep doing so if he and our therapist agreed that it's a good idea, but they don't.

But thanks for making me think more on this. If you have any other ideas, I'm open.