"It sounds like you just needed to be heard?

What could you say to your T about what you needed in that moment from her? What were you hoping for in terms of treatment?"

Yes, exactly! I think I just wanted someone to talk to instead of her whipping out her bag of CBT tricks and trying to reason with me. I also wanted to tell her about my trip and seeing my extended family, which had been an emotional experience. I even got some pictures developed to show her, but we never got around to it because we spent so much time talking about CBT. I just don't think I'm at a place where I can see myself in a more positive light; I think once I get some financial/job security I could maybe, perhaps, start working on that, but right now it is harder than ever to try and rationalize away my negative feelings about myself. I really just wanted to talk to her instead of having her try and do CBT on me.

"My last T, however, acknowledges that when I feel so down and horrible about myself, that it FEELS very real to me. More importantly, she says that just because I feel something, it doesn't mean it's true. I found that concept very comforting."
Yes, that is what my T kept telling me yesterday, but I insisted on arguing with her about it. I also think that when someone tries to reason with me about how I am not a failure, it is just my gut reaction to argue.

You can feel lousy, be depressed and in a bad mood, etc. but still decide to get up and shower, dress, greet people pleasantly, and go to the library for an hour or two and research job opportunities. No one says it is easy or feels good but, logically, you cannot find a new job while you are in bed sleeping? Doing what needs to be done will change your belief about yourself, positively, and your positive beliefs about yourself will make you feel better. You cannot suddenly wake up at 4:00 in the afternoon and feel positively about yourself when you have not done any positive action to point to.


I have been doing that for the past couple months, (ie going to the library, looking for jobs, getting up in the morning, etc) but in the past week, after coming home from vacation and not getting hired for this one job I was very hopeful about, it really got to me, and that was when I started getting seriously depressed. I do have another interview this week and just found out I was accepted as a non-degree student at Hunter, which helped me to come out of my depression a little. It just really got to me this past week.

"Start with where you are. You went to therapy and had a good discussion with T, good in that you had an opinion and expressed it "passionately" (you cared). Keep up the good work. You are thoughtful (capable of thought/argued your point), intelligent (believed you saw a flaw in your T's arguments and argued your point forcefully to her and here), hard working (showed up to work with T instead of just rolling over and giving up), etc."

And yes, I was not happy with session because I had wanted to talk about more than just CBT with her, but at least I let her know it wasn't working. I am not even upset that we argued/disagreed, I am upset that I feel like I wasted my double session arguing when what I really wanted to do was tell her about my vacation etc. I mean, I also wanted to talk to her about being depressed, but that wasn't all I wanted to talk about.

"CBT is great for some people, but certainly not everyone. For me personally it is a really bad fit. The CBT stuff makes me feel really disconnected from the T. Occasionally my T resorts to some of the CBT talk and I call her out on it, and tell her not to pull that CBT crap on me.

Don't feel bad if this approach doesn't suit you. There is no "one size fits all" therapy."

Yes, I think my T finally acknowledged that it wasn't working at the end of session. Plus I feel like she gets all clinical/professional when she starts talking about CBT, which I don't really like.