Does she understand your need to be listened to? A lot of times therapists can pick up on this and don't have to be told, but sometimes we need to spell out what we need from them. (My T even asks me sometimes, "what are you needing from me today?" It helps him to know that, even if it is a question that makes me take responsibility and dig deep.) I think the first session back after a long break especially calls for listening. However, you did say you told your T you were having suicidal thoughts, so maybe that was behind her strong emphasis on trying to get you to change your thinking. She was worried about you and perhaps CBT is the only method she knows how to use to help.

Why do you have double sessions? When the session is a big argument, it would be very painful, at least for me, to have to tolerate that length of time. Could you have single sessions with her until you get back on track or are doing more productive work?

I really hate arguments so your session sounded so hard to me. When I am tempted to enter into an argument with someone, I try to remember that it takes two to argue. I can decide I will not be part of an argument with the person. If the other person keeps harping on the same subject, I just let them say all they have to say on the topic by pausing after they speak and allowing silence. Then perhaps I ask, "is there more?" When they have said all they have to say, we can move on.

Once I asked an instructor/clinical psychologist about using CBT for depression and she said in her practice, it works with 50-75% of clients, and that this is similar to what research shows. She found that, in her hands, another evidence-based treatment for depression, Interpersonal Therapy, helps a greater proportion of people. So she tends to start out with IPT as her default rather than CBT. So please don't feel bad that CBT isn't helpful to you at this time because it seems that's true for a lot of people. There are other therapies that may help. Maybe once you get to a better place with your depression, you can revisit CBT and some of its elements may help then.

My first therapist was a mild CBT practitioner. We didn't need to work much on irrational thinking, but she sometimes tried behavioral suggestions. One thing she suggested a couple of times was that I do something nice for myself, like taking a bubble bath. I hated that LOL! I wanted to work on my problems, not take bubble baths. To me, she just seemed so clueless to think taking a bubble bath would help me with my problems. When she suggested several things that were unhelpful, she then asked me what thing I would like to do that would make me feel better and I said sleeping. So she and I began a systematic effort to help me find ways to sleep. This was soooooo helpful. She helped me with something I needed help with! It was very concrete and within her ability to help. I think a number of my other issues were just too complex for her. Looking back, I think the trick to getting something helpful from her was to choose something to work on that was within her ability. Then we made progress on that. At some point, she wasn't helping any longer, and I quit therapy. Later I found a T who had the skills to tackle the bigger problems in my life, like my floundering marriage, trauma, etc. I tell that story just to encourage you that there may indeed be things your T can help you with, even if she can't help with all your issues right now.

Could you discuss with your T what she might be able to help you with? Also raise the idea of a different approach from CBT? Do you know if she knows more than just CBT?

Even though I've written some things that make it sound like I don't like CBT, I am now reading a CBT workbook and do find some of it helpful, like getting mobilized and planning a schedule for the week to include some activities I like. I see that these are actually along the lines of the bubble bath suggestion my former T made! So now maybe I find this helpful but not so much when I had much bigger problems in my life. Back then it seemed like she was focusing on trivia.

Good luck to you, frankie.