Is that a cop out? To blame my depression and not go? I've decide to go to one or both. I know how whole family for goodness sake. My mom is going with me. Just brings back the idea that here I am in a dark place and having considered suicide as an option when this poor kid lost his life way too soon. Make me feel ungrateful for the life I've been given. It's so sad.

I feel the sudden urge to go to church tomorrow- silly or what?

Also makes me go back to what I said before about my own mortality...his poor kid was found dead in his apartment. What if I went like that. Who would find me- who would even care? For days I bet I'd be all alone...such a sad existence we lead sometimes.

His poor family. He was to be married on aug 10.