May trigger at the end ... ok ... sorry. But it's quite graphic in terms of describing the qualitative differences between sex offenders.

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JustBen said:
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drunksunflower said:Their relationship was completely consenting.

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I'm really not sure if a 14 year-old can give consent when we're talking about someone so much older. Regardless of how mature she was for her age, there's a huge difference in experience there.

Anyway, I agree that it's a shame that they don't differentiate the offenses more on these sites, but that would require providing more detail than most offenders would really want out there, don't you think? In the end, I do think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. It's true that not everyone on those lists is a predator, but there are plenty of predators on there. If one moves in next door, I want to know about it.

I don't have any desire to screw up anybody's life, but the life that I'm most concerned about getting screwed up is my kid's.

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IMO there are huge differences between individuals. Many are not. Others are, especially when the 30 year old has perhaps had some bad experiences family wise himself ... they bonded because they were both coming from a similar place. It isn't always years that count, it is the way that two people collide in a certain place n time. My friend is not predatory. I have known him fairly well for a long period of time. I know his past, his struggles then and now. I confidently wrote a character reference from the standpoint of both friend and professional (given my qualifications and experience). Sometimes people make mistakes. It doesn't mean they are going to jump on your kid the next chance they get.

When I was 14 and 15 my friends and I were terrible little Lolitas. We would try and get away for 17/18, flirted terribly with way older guys, and quite frankly, could have got someone in trouble unwittingly.

So I don't think what may be classified as a "sex offence" is always the incarnation of the devil.

I also do believe in the efficacy of some rehabilitation, for some people.

I have spent some time with rapists in the context of writing a thesis looking at substance abuse and offending. There are some people I have shared a room with who I do not believe are safe and doubt that they will ever be safe. Unfortunately someone whose father sexually assaults them from the age of 11, while making them sniff petrol fumes, has little chance of developing a normal conception of sex. He's 25 years old now. He has attempted rape once, repeatedly acted out rape fantasy with his partner, and finally abducted, raped, and sodomised a 16 year old girl. He got caught finally.

There was also a boy who was 17 when I interviewed him. At 14 years old, as part of a gangbang situation, forced in his initiation to be part of the rape. Or he himself would have been beaten the crap out of.

One of these people has a pretty good chance of avoiding recidivism. The other may not ever get the counselling he needs ... his fantasies and need to offend tie in strongly with his marijuana and meth use, and create very disturbed fantasies and disinhibition which means he has the urge to physicially try them out.

It makes me very upset.

Address the freakin cycle of violence (both sexual and physical) and maybe we will have some solutions.