I'm about 4 months pregnant right now and I'm hating every single moment of it. The sickness, the cramps, the exhaustion, EVERYTHING! But what I hate the most, and I hate myself even more for thinking this way, is the weight gain.

I keep repeating my mantra "its for the baby, its for the baby, its for the baby" but I am going insane and I don't know what to do. I am struggling everyday with finding foods that are acceptable to eat. The worst part is that I'm only craving terrible fatty foods right now, I think because I was so underweight when I became pregnant.

My doctors keep telling what a good job I'm doing gaining, but I just want to punch them when they say that. I don't feel like my old self anymore, I feel like a grotesque monster that can't say no to anything. I burst into tears every time I look in the mirror and I can't bring myself to even get near the scale.

I'm worried because I've now begun an unhealthy habit of making these extreme plans for after the baby is born. I've been putting together diets and workout schedules and constantly talking about "when I'm pretty and thin again, I'll do etc." and convincing myself it will all be better. My family just laughs at me and tells me that won't happen and I just better get used to being heavier. I feel even more depressed then when my ED was at it worst.

Has anyone else gone through this? Does it get better? Is there any hope?