Today I made a list of who I want to be and what I want to be able to do on a daily basis. I have a hard time doing things and it just feels like I have to have so much more effort to do things that other people just "do" like they don't even think about it. Like hygiene for example. It's hard for me to take showers and brush my teeth and stuff. I guess I just have very little energy because of the depression that I have most of the time, and when I'm hypomanic, I don't do the things that really matter cause I'm too focused on things that don't. So here are my lists.... that I am going to share with my T today.
Who I want to be...- Fit and healthy
- Have a clean house
- Independent
- Better financially
- Able to adapt in stressful situations
- All A's in college
- Good hygiene
- Able to persevere to achieve goals
What I want to do every day...- Shower and hygiene stuff
- Take care of my pets
- Eat healthy
- Exercise
- Clean the house
- Go to school and do homework (when school starts)
- Have a regular sleep schedule
I am so far away from what I want to be able to do, and it feels like it is so hard to be able to be that person I really want to be. I am so lethargic, overweight, lazy, depressed... I guess I am gonna just ask my T how to get there when I am all the way over here and feel like a failure.