It seems to me that “the system” is certainly another candidate for “the problem”. I can certainly understand your frustration. You can’t get effective help for your son and his behavior is causing harm to you and his brother. That’s a real dilemma.
One thought – your son is 16. What harm is likely to come to him if you hold him to some responsibility for his behavior? Not sure exactly what to suggest, but your son cannot continue aggressive behavior toward your 3-year-old. Despite his limitations, he needs to find some way to control his behavior. It is a FAMILY problem. He needs to understand that you can help him, but he has to be a part of the solution. Maybe that will lift him out of a “deficiency” mentality into a place where he knows that “I can still contribute”. That could be good for him, too.
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