My first goal on going to see T was to just to be able to contemplate living. Then I thought I was looking for happiness, but now realise for me that is unrealistic - my life just isn't like that.

Now I think it is more to be able to experience my emotions (was numb for so long) and to be able to sit with all of them, whether they are postive or negative and also to learn to be content with things just as they are right now.