So, I've been trying to stop cutting. I was proud of myself, because I hadn't done it in 3 weeks.(this is a HUGE deal for me.) But today, I was really lonely...and no one wanted to be around me, so it just left me to think about EVERYTHING that's going on in my life. After a while, I had an emotional breakdown. I started thinking about how it would be so much better if I just didn't exist, and that everyone would be so much better off without me. I really truly just wanted to die. I was in my bathroom and saw a brand new razor, and I started shaking. The first thing I did was start crying, then I grabbed it. When I got into my room, I started completely destroying my arm. I didn't even realize what I was doing until half of my bed was completely covered in blood. I felt horrible for doing it, but it gave me the release I needed. Once I realized what I was doing, I kept telling myself to stop and that it isn't worth it. But no matter what I told myself...I couldn't stop. Nothing was good enough, and I just needed more. I am still dying to do it, again. I know that I shouldn't do it. But I feel like I HAVE to do it, again. Can anyone help? Whenever I feel like I need it, and I don't do it...I always get really bad suicidal thoughts that start to control what I do, after a while. Please. I need someones help ASAP.