Are you in therapy? I would tell my T and ask for his help.
What i have learned is that even when insiders do what seems scary and contrary to what i want - they are only doing what they learned to do to keep us safe. I think change comes by trying to understand why they are doing what they do and realizing that their actions, in some way, saved my life in the past - even if it is not working now. I have become grateful to some that i feared in the past. Change has come as they have opened up in therapy and realized things themselves - - all stuff we are still working on.
Good luck.