i do believe my last message as far as the exploit part has not been present i guess i have to look at alot of things as an episode as far as the Benzatropine it just so happened that the time i went off of it i thought it was causing stuff but i remember my first doctor and how it was said that it has no psychological effects i think that the catch stuff actually created an episode that turned into years of a mania and even before that threat my whole life and actions were based upon i guess things that just were not supposed to be put together and alot of stuff that occurred for a good amount of my life that never amounted to anything like things that made me feel out casted like things were apart of something that nobody ever came near me with and had no clue about and i know whatever is with the caught stuff is if it exists is revenge no real confrontation and pretty much i am not really attracted to people as far as love or like whats in my head or has been with the exploitation anyone that if anything exists as far as catch or caught if i am schizoaffective have fun i sure would not with the ruling world question from that test and as far as relationships people that i was never interested in that were in me people that there was never ever a way or could ever exist or people that i have no idea why i was ever interested people and other people pretty much people did not care what i thought sure its a hard thing when you think about that the rule the world type question but with the right meds and people that do not respond to my message and thank you it sent a shock that probably really helped me i just let what i needed to go away and the rule the world turns into ruling my world myself a person reflecting back to everything that was real to me at the time once its realized that things have to be let go but anyone that says they were right ans still are is not and never ever will be and thats not talking about my doctors or family it's everything that would not reveal itself except for revenge the only thing my illness can do is a statement that wrong was done against me and nobody can admit that because of my illness just a statement that the only thing they can do is limited to themselves not me ruling the world my input was not needed just whatever if anything is exists was just wanted for themselves for revenge doesn't matter how they say it is they never cared if i had an illness or my input they only cared about what only they could do with me for their authority i was the only way that existed and thats not me ruling their world if my input whether it had been from an illness or something from me that would have lead to me being diagnosed if they feel i do not i guess i just have to somehow let this whole idea with my illness and what i feel is revenge and or relationships go away i guess its just that i feel and think so much better now that i feel i need to defend or respond to what was really stuff i need to accept nobody cared enough about i just need to keep focus on what i need to do to live my life since nobody will say wrong was done against me my place in the world is not with them i got this far and luck i got on the meds that i am on and people can't get revenge unless they admit it or whatever they feel they think or may want