shez, gentle hugs galore ...
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Children are such a mixed bundle: They can bring gobs of love and a ton of pain-usually a bumpy package with a little bit of each, loosely strung together. Being brought up in separate households I think confuses them definitely, two of them going through it together gives them a chance to discuss it & get things all wrong--you see where I'm coming from? You got yourself a real mess!!

Your desire to be respected by your kids, to be in general treated better by them, isn't out of line a bit, shez. If I were you, I would sit down together and have a quiet but firm talk. Confirm your love for them, that explains respect ... and how it goes both ways. Tell them that the cupcakes and the present were not just love but also came from your respect for them and from your joy at their return to you. Try to get them to understand in that context how their behavior hurt you.

And give them one or two simple new rules of behavior. Something you will be comfortable enforcing ... with consequences, if they violated it.

Could this work for you?

Roadie