Me and my husband have been married for almost two years and we still live with his parents. We are now currently working on getting a house and moving out. I was so happy when we first got married but some issues arose between me and my fil so its tense at moments but not horrible. My husband was married before and had a kid with her. He said he was never in love with her that she was manipulative the whole time. As a result his whole family claims they hate her for how she has done him but they still talk to her like there stilk married and it makes me feel uncomfortable. On my end, i had just quit drugs a coupoe of months before we married so even to this day its hard for me at moments with cravings and really breaks me down. We split up over some issues involving his family being so close to the ex wife and during that period i contacted my ex boyfriend but never saw him or had sexul relations. But with our beliefs thats still cheating so were still healing from that. Within the last week i have gotten super depressed over me cheating and the cravings are hitting me hard. It seems so impossible for us to get a house but i know it wil take time. I have made myself very unhappy about everything. My husband has forgave me but i cant get to the point to forgive myself and move on from everything. I need advice on forgiving myself and moving on to be happy. My husband hates his ex wife and its so hard to move on from that wit the family wanting ti be so close. I came to the point where i wish i wouldnt wake up. I just want to be happy again and forget the past as my husband has. What do i do?