Well, I need some advice. The way we started our relationship was messy, and now this (blog entry explaining below). I would've gone to the forum site that I normally go to, but that's where I met him, so that isn't exactly an option. I apologize for the length of this post. I just really need help, as nobody that I've talked to about it has been particularly helpful. What do I do, guys? Say it's over, or do I give him another chance? I don't trust him a bit, but I love him more than anything. >.<

So much has been happening, I’m not even sure where to start. The only person that I’ve ever trusted completely blew it. He lied to me about talking to his ex, he told her he still loved her, called her certain names that shouldn’t be used unless they’re together (baby, char char, mama, just to name a few. >.<), told her that he still cried for her…

I have to say, I shouldn’t have gone about finding out like I did. I was getting very suspicious, though, especially since he told me that she basically tried to get him to cheat.

I thought everything was peachy keen. I had just gotten a huge weight off my shoulders after telling him something that I had been keeping a secret for far too long. He didn’t seem to care, which made my day. And now this. I cried my eyes out yesterday, cried more after I woke up a few hours ago, and now I’m painfully numb. I know it’s probably a stupid thing to be broken up over, but then again, maybe it isn’t. Maybe it isn’t…

I feel so betrayed. I would have understood (maybe) if it had been early on into the relationship. Well, earlier on. But it wasn’t. They talked the night before I found out. I’m pretty sure he said the same **** that he had in earlier conversations with her. It hurts. I don’t think I’ve ever been this heartbroken before, I’ve never felt this betrayed, and I for sure haven’t cried this much in a long time.

I don’t think I can trust him. I know that I don’t now. I have no idea how he’ll gain my trust again. I honestly don’t know if he ever will. He lied to me. >.< He said he was being honest, but he was lying. He said he still loved her. That he cried for her. He said that I basically wasn’t good enough. Now he says that that was all a lie because he didn’t want to admit that he hated her, that he just wanted her to get off his back. I don’t know if that’s true or not. I don’t know if anything he says is true anymore. I was just starting to believe that he actually loved me. I don’t anymore. God, this hurts so much.

After he found out that I knew what he was saying and doing, he sent her a message telling her his “true feelings” about her. She then messaged me asking what she had done wrong, and I flipped. I admit, I was being a *****. I’m not sure if I deserved her telling me to “go hang yourself you ugly little *****” or not. Probably did, to be honest. She said that she didn’t care what she did. She didn’t care that she hurt him or that she hurt me. At least when I did a similar thing, I cared. I still feel terrible for what I did. He did say that he told her that it was over before telling me any of the things that he wanted to tell me, but I don’t know if I can believe that either. It’s so confusing and so hard to deal with. I deserve it though. I deserve it…



If you read all of this, thank you. <3
Have a good day
-Lorra