Second night of no sleep, flashbacks, body memories, "memory" memories, intense feelings I don't know what to do with, and feeling like I'm 3 instead of 41.

Lots of asking "why me." Like that ever got me anywhere.

Wish I would just spontaneously combust or something and get it over with. I feel bad, disgusting, dirty, gross, icky for having normal physiological response to something bad, disgusting, dirty, gross and icky.

No idea of triggers or why this is coming up NOW.