Aww thanks debbie, reading that post was uplifting to me, gave me something i rarely get from everyday life.

oh and by the way, to the person who guessed my age, i am actually 19, so you werent far off lol.

back to your reply, debbie, i feel you had similar experiences growing up than i have, my parents divorced when i was about 4 or 5 i think, which is different to you, and, the other diference is that i have 1 brother and 1 sister. i too though, have had no strength in my family throughout childhood, i have felt ive had to build values on very rocky ground which was hard work, i dont know if you've seen my other threads, but what i was talking about in them is the fact ive seen so much corruption all around me, violence from so early on, i have been sexually abused at the age of ten, lost my mum at the age of 14, fell in love with laura at 14, lost her too. ive seen my sister do drugs and finally lost the plot one day and tried to stab my dad, the only thing stopping her was me, i stood in her way and told her if she wanted to get to my dad she would have to get through me, which she didnt. other things in between havent helped my journey (although, sometimes i think it has helped me), the latest being a house we tried to buy in cyprus, as a holiday home, but we didnt realise we were being conned and we ended up loosing near on ten thousand (english) pounds, that happened back in may this year. i think thats why i get down some days, all those instances come round to haunt me sometimes and when you get all those memories come back at once, even though i have dealt with them, it does drown you abit with emotion.

i must say PC has been a fantastic lifeline for me recently, i was reading a post about sexual offenders and it was such an interesting read that i stayed up until 2am this morning reading it all, and i had to get up for work at 6 this mornin, so have been pretty tired today lol.

in relation to my ex girlfriend, i think when i told her about my feelings it scared her, she did say she will always feel something for me as i was her 'first love' which i dont know whether to believe. but in my opinion she is the one who feels she cant talk to me and as she knows i will not speak to her boyfriend she can use him as an excuse, although i do know of some problems they have been having (she told me before i told her about my feelings).

in respect to your comments about the experiences we go through, and that they mature us and help us to see life in better ways, i really do agree with that. i believe everything happens for a reason, even though sometimes it seems theres no justice in it. i guess thats life really.