(((Wolfin))),

Yes, what you are discribing is very much a part of PTSD. It "is" a control issue and sorry to say it can come out before you realize it too. I had to deal with that myself and the only thing I could do is think about it afterwards and "be aware it was happening". Like everything else that takes place with PTSD, the emotions just come out and the only way they can be worked on is after they come out back to what triggered it to take place. But, slowly you can gain on controling it more and more by being aware and tracing it back to what triggered it to take place. I found myself getting very snappy with my husband and having to appologize after I blew.

For me, each time it happened it was about me losing control or my husband or anyone else crossing my boundaries. There always was a genuine reason for it to happen. The problem was that instead of me seeing it come on ahead of time, it would just pop out of me and like a flashback, I was left just being a spectator for a period of time as it would just run its course. It "is" very frustrating and hard to explain to other people that I truely can't control it "yet" when it happens.

So, it is not just you or that you are a bad person when this happens. It really is something that is part of PTSD. You have to remember that with PTSD the person is "very" sensitive and like any other injury, when something touches it, it sends a quick message of some kind of pain.

When people present with PTSD, they want to isolate. The reason for this is that they "do" have an injury in the brain and they quickly become "aware" that they are very vulnerable and "sensitive". This is a very different kind of injury and it does take time to heal Wolfin. Someone with PTSD has to slowly work through this injury and what helps is to recognize that often when something "aggrivates it" you "will" just react, just as you would with an open wound that was touched. It is just like when that open wound is touched and there is an immediate reaction of pain and "oh that hurts don't touch it" and sometimes if a wound it touched someone can get angry too.

The secret is to understand that with PTSD if something touches it or aggrivates it, we have an immediate "emotion". The only way we can understand the injury is after we get that "emotional" alarm.

Some people have a journal to keep track of these events. Then when they see the T they talk about what happened. The therapist says, "yes, I see the injury and yes I can see why you were angry and lets see if we can find a way to understand it and overcome it, reason with it consciously so you won't just react so badly when someone hits that sensitive spot again".

This is what so many people just do not understand about PTSD, including those that are struggling with it. All last year I was trying so hard to say, "please stop hurting me, this is not my fault". And it seemed like "no one" understood "how" to help me.
Yes, Wolfin, I had many of those anger moments, and some of them were bad and I just had to vent it out somehow. If my husband had been helped to understand that he had to be patient, the same as if he was helping me slowly walk after I broke my leg and had to slowly gain the ability back to walk again, it would have helped SO much.

If people just understood that PTSD is a definite injury that really takes time to heal and also understand these emotional outbursts are a part of recognizing the injury itself and how one needs to slowly "work through each kind of injury" it would make healing so much easier. There is no quick fix for PTSD, it is just like a broken leg or any other bad injury, it is sensitive and truely takes time to heal. And just like any other injury, if people poke at it and keep "reinjuring it" it WILL NOT HEAL RIGHT AND CAN EVEN GET WORSE.

People who have PTSD are often very misunderstood too. And when that happens it does make the healing process much more difficult. As a matter of fact, I have been posting to someone who is struggling with a T not understanding how triggering it is that the person is asked to wait for her appointment as the T is always late. This T is not seeing that an injury is being "poked at" in this experience for the patient. And the T is not seeing that what she needs to do is recognize the anger and "not" react like the patient is being "threatening and mean to the T". This T needs to "immediately" recognize this is "part of the injury" and help the patient work it out and be "supportive and understanding" while the patient works this out.

Wolfin, it is very important that your husband understand that you "will" have these moments of anger pop ups etc. And that he needs to be patient when that happens so that you too can have time to understand it "after it pops up".

Make sure you keep track of as much as you can about the events that lead up to this pop up anger. That is the only way you can slowly "consciously" learn how to work on controling it better. It is every bit as much work as "rehabilitation after experiencing a serious leg injury of somekind". It is slowly working the leg without pushing too hard so it doesn't get reinjured and it can heal.

Understand that you are not going to be "forever" broken as well. You "can" slowly "heal" through PTSD. But it "is" a lot of work and you "will need to be patient and kind to yourself" in the process. Make sure that you keep working with a therapist and that therapist "validates" the triggers and helps you work through each one.

That is the only way someone slowly "gains" over the injury that is named PTSD.

(((Hugs))))
Open Eyes