I love your talking-to-self quips, "You're right, little 130lb me lifted a soda machine and hid it from you while I'm sitting behind my desk working" I would share some of the more benign ones with the guests to remind them you are an individual. Unless, like me, I couldn't control the sarcasm and it would make "them"/my boss unhappy.

I would try agreeing with what they say? "Yes, they did take out the soda machines, that didn't make sense to me, either!"

"Oh, sorry they didn't change your sheets, I'll call and yell at housekeeping right away for you?"