I was going to therapy but last week I went and she called the meeting early. She said, oh so it seems like you are doing better so why don't we just see each other in 1 month. If you are still doing well then you can call and cancel. Huh? She thinks I'm fine! I even told her the list of things (two weeks ago during that session) what I want to work on.

I wouldn't even know what club to join. I feel like its not worth it. How do you do it?

I am down, you are right. I have nothing that interests me. I do have a few friends but no one close. No one I can really talk to. And half the time we make plans and I don't want to go so I come up with an excuse or something. Its pathetic.

Now I feel like that my friend who passed away - he should have my life. He loved life so much and here I am hating mine. As I was driving back today I wondered if I could just drive my car into a tree. Make it look like an accident. Here I am hating my life when I should be happy that I am alive. I'm so ungrateful.