You're bound to be down, you lost a dear friend, you split up with your fella.

There is never a good enough reason for someone to pass away young, it never seems fair. There's nothing you could do about it, and the best way to honour a friend who loved life is not to waste yours is it not? I think so. He, as a dear friend, would hate to see you so sad am sure...
Splitting up with people is normally a good reason tho - its too easy to put the rose-tinted glasses on, esp when feeling down or lonely.

Let me ask you - what would you say to me if I said that I was fed up and had no friends? We often know the answer ourselves, its just when down, cant see the forest for the tree's. Its so much easier to help others than help ourselves - and help yourself is exactly what you have to do, to get out of this hole. Can you go and treat yourself, do stuff that makes you feel happy, even for a little while? Go shopping, have a lovely long soak in the tub, curl up with a good book or film? Anything to give you a little lift?

You can always phone your therapist and tell her that you want to see her more often. Its your life & feelings so you should decide - you are paying are you not?!! If she disagrees, I know it can be a pain, but change therapists?

I understand you dont want to join a club because you feel like its not worth it, but that's depression talking. You know this. If you dont fancy a club, then can you afford a night class? Has there been anything you wanted to get better at, or loved doing as a kid? Like an art class, pottery, or perhaps dancing or learn another language? This way you will be meeting new folk, all in the same boat, plus you get to add a feather to your bow. Anyhow, I have a feeling I could suggest many many things to you, but the way you feel at the moment, it will all be a bad idea to you. There's nothing wrong with that, but you do have to help yourself to get stronger - nobody can take those first steps for you. Sorry.

x