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(I'm putting the trigger icon just in case someone's response might trigger another user.)
But I am curious... Why do you do it & for how long have you self-harmed? I wanted to post this to break up the crisis posts a little bit & to give everyone a non-chaotic way of analyzing their personal motivations. Maybe once we think about this & really think about it, we won't feel this urge anymore... This urge that fights against our most basic human instincts -- To survive & to not endure pain.
Me?
I did it every single day between ages 12-15. It only became once or twice a month through 16 & 17. Totally absent through 18 & the first half of 19. But I cut on two different occasions at 19 due to massive psychotic breaks. And that, too, passed until just 2 weeks ago. I've been cutting & burning at least once a day since... But I'm not surrounded by my family anymore, so at least I am not as ashamed by walking around with my scars, awaiting torment.
Why? I wish I knew. I have so many things up with me that could each contribute to the source of my need to feel pain... OCD, psychosis, bipolar, anxiety, childhood trauma. And I am also a true masochist; though I'm not sure if that is independent of my MH issues or not. Oftentimes -- I do it for excitement, I do it to feel the pain itself, & I do it out of uncontrollable anger.
What about yourselves?
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