I fully understand your point and agree, but my point is not everyone has the amount of coconsciousness that will allow them to put strict boudaries and limits on what their alters can and cant do...

I used me for the example.. no matter how much I tried, no matter how much my treatment providers tried nothing could change my alters to doing what I and my treatment providers wanted them to do. I could write out and post hundreds and hundred of notes around the house (and probably did) and still my alter that was violent continued, my wife tried sitting with us talking with each alter as they happened to appear and still the violent ones continued, my treatment providers tried setting down the rules during therapy and during inpatient and still the violent ones continued..

what it boiled down to is the violent alters were there to be violent.. thats what their purpose/job/reason for being was..I was forced to do some down right violent acts by my abusers, I could not handle nor do that so my brain dissociated me and created alters who 's purpose/job and reason for being was to be violent.

in cases like this yea I took the blame because it was my body that was used to perform violent acts with but there was no getting through to the alters who were created for that reason... to be violent because I the aware self could not handle being violent..

did I take responsibility no, not before I was integrated because to me I wasnt the one being violent. After I was integrated did I take responsibility no, I did not choose to be violent, I did not choose to have /create violent alters and to me it wasnt me that was violent.

theres a difference between taking blame for something and taking responsibility. taking the blame is just an action people can do accept that someone else is blaming them for something and say ok what ever and move on.. Taking responsibility means you know at the time you are doing something that you are doing wrong and accepting that with that wrong doing there is going to be consequenses and completing the consequences, feeling remore and truely being sorry for what was done wrong..

my violent alters were doing so outside of my awareness, I could not share the horrors and other feelings that come with commmitting acts of violence and then having remorse because I wasnt aware the violent acts were happening at all..

Lydia try something for me.. imagine your best friend walked in and told you where to go, you have no knowledge of what you did that caused this outburst by your friend, just out of the blue your friend snaps at you.

the result is you feel confusion because you have no idea whats going on, to you its one second you are watching tv and the next your friend is blasting off at you. everything in between is a total blank. sure you can accept the *****blame***** for what ever your friend is blasting off about but you have no feelings about what actually happened because you dont know what happened, you did not experience what happened.

gosh knows all my life before I was integrated I was being blamed for all kinds of things that to me were things ****I**** did not do and because I had little to no connection/co consciousness with my alters I couldnt feel guilt, happiness, sadness, remorse whatever over anything that happened during the time I was dissociated.

it was only after I was integrated that I was able to discover all the violence those alters did because with integration their memories became mine. there are many times in which my alters were violent and its not possible for me to take responsibly (having knowledge of the wrong doing and knowing it was wrong and own up to the wrong doing and accept the consequences for the wrong doing, while being truely sorry/remorseful) for what my alters did because by the time I was integrated those violent acts were in the past. I did and still do go through guilt over what happened while my violent alters were in control but like my treatment providers tell me...I did not set out to commit violent acts with full knowledge of right and wrong, those alters were created for the purpose to do violent acts, it all happened outside of my control and knowledge so theres nothing for me to feel guilty about.

what matters is that now that Im integrated I have that knowledge and can prevent any further acts of violence because I am the one in control now.

my point wasnt that DID people cant control their alters and cant take the blame and cant take responsibility..

my point was / is that ****not every DID person has the ability to control their alters., many and most that I know of including me have no control over it.****

your having so much co consciousness and control over your alters may open more doors for how your treatment providers are working /pushing the "you are responsible" side of things. my treatment providers never went that route with me because they know everything that happened with me and my alters was out of my awareness and control and it was evident very early on that I would never be able to develop that kind of co consciousness and awareness for that approach to work, for me there was mostly amnesia, blank spots, memory gaps, time loss what ever you want to call it so we could not develop communication and all that your treatment providers do with you. all we could do was work on my symptoms/problem areas/ traumatic memories as they surfaced, if and when they surfaced and integration issues as it happened.

I am glad that you have the ability to talk with your alters, have control over what your alters can and cant do and are aware of what your alters are doing so that you can control them.. it makes things so much easier then dealing with the unknown every step of the way.