Hello, I am obviously a female, I am overly, extremely intellegent, but that is something most people do not know. I feel like I have to fake all forms of emotions except for rage and a very vauge form of love. I find myself in a conversation with someone and have to focous on my facial expressions just so they dont find out that I could genuienly care less about them or anything they feel or think. I feel exausted after a few hours of 'socializing'. I can profile people in a heartbeat and change myself to mold into the way they are. Poeple to me are nothing, they are of no importance. their opionions are so uncessecary and stupid to me that i have a hard time not punching them in the face when they speak to me. i used to have alot of freinds, i used to be well liked by many. im not sure what happened. i embrace the way i am now. i know i am so much more intellegent that ninety percent of these people i am forced to be around and it sucks the life out of me. i fake everything, i lie about everything, even if it is unnecessary. People in my mind, are only objects. They mean little to me. this is a way of thinking that has just come to be within the past 2 years. i just have an insurmountable feeling of rage and it never goes away. i know that if you seek help for being a sociopath or 'antisocial personality disorder', the more modern use of the word, then more than likely you do not have it. but i just cant help myself but wonder. i was raised in a normal upper middle class family and to my knowlege and memory, nothing traumatic has happened to me to have me feel this way. Dexter is my favourite show by the way. I cant help but feel a type of freindship between us when i watch it. No i am not plotting on mass murdering anyone, even though i have thought about killing people in a very detailed sense before. I have also never hurt an animal. I appreciate animals, they dont care what you are. I know its like im rambeling but i dont know what to say, i havent the money for a proper visit to a therapist so this is all i can to. haha. noone in my life knows that i feel or am this way. not a soul. my mask is so deep and so complicated.i am very very interested in pschycology and forensic pshcycology and serial killers, so i know alot about self diagnosis. But i just need a proffesional opinion. I just cannot stand being so....hateful about everything and everyone all the time. all i can think of is ways to get our of things, the logic behind everything, the best way to get ahead, the best way to con this person or how to decive this other person. it gets so exausting. it is so strange to me because i am considred a very pretty girl, even model material, with rich pareents and a 'loving' boyfreind and anything else i would like in life. I embrace the way i am now, i love it, i always feel ahead. i always feel like i have the upper hand because of this. i have a very morbid personality and i love blood, actually very much. i know there is something 'wrong' with me. any insight?