If you don't mind me asking, in which categories did you get the serious ones? Me, I got 5 serious ones and 7 milder ones. The serious concerns were depression, mania & bipolar, OCD, dissociation, and tech issues. I seriously doubt the last two though; I'm well aware that I'm depressed, but the tech issues? I use work and the internet more as a distraction, really (it doesn't work very well but at least it gives the appearance that I'm completely okay).

The dissociation part, idk...my mom always tells me I'm "selfish" because I never go out and it appears to her that I think the world revolves around me because I don't go out with others unless I'm certain I'm going to like what they're going to do, what they're talking about, or if the people themselves have substance at all. Most people I know only talk about internet memes, 9gag, or the latest fads, which I don't care about at all (the irony with all of this is that they're college students). I don't avoid people (since I kinda HAVE to work with them); I just don't socialize with them unless I'm obligated to do so. IDK being around people (if it doesn't involve my job) makes me feel really uneasy. I don't like it one bit.

OCD and Compulsions? Maybe...whenever I'm anxious, depressed, or brooding, I always walk around in my living room or in my kitchen. In my kitchen, my direction always has to be in either a narrow but long oval or in the shape of a femur and a tibia, minus the patella (the latter applies to both my living room and in my kitchen). Any other walking direction bothers the hell outta me and if I fail, I'll have to go back to my starting point and do it over which is another issue because well...it bothers me just as much if I have to go back. Takes a few minutes to figure out how I can go back and do it again, really. Another thing is that if I remember something I did that I either regretted or I thought was completely idiotic, I would hit myself in any way I can. If not, I'd flip myself off...most of the time it's the former. Lately though I've had to resist urges of harming myself because my mom will see the scratches and bruises and she'll ask me about them. She'll figure out eventually that I did it, and she'll be stressed to hell. I don't really want that happening again. What else? Oh yeah...whenever I play a game on my iPod, there are four faces that smile at you when you win the game. I always have to copy the faces four to five times (whichever one feels right at the moment) or it'll bug me and I won't be able to sleep. It sucks, really. I don't even know why I do those things. I just feel like I have to.

bipolar and mania...I suspect that I might be bipolar since my moods fluctuate from extremely hyper to completely depressed. I'm able to hide it (when I'm depressed) but my hyper moods are very hard to control. Sometimes, I don't know how to feel because I'd be hyper but depressed at the same time. Other times I'd be irritable. It isn't really fun. At all.

Currently I'm trying to figure out how I can deal with all my quirks and mood swings myself since my mom's advice about "staying positive" isn't really working. Can't afford to go to a doctor either since...well, I'm not really a citizen of my host country yet. That, and I don't have insurance. And because if I ever do have to take meds, meds have really bad side effects I'd rather not experience so I try to distract myself the best I can. I mean, I'm not having another breakdown yet, am I? (I know, not a good thing to joke about but yeah....)

~Yuumi