I feel similarly. I want to run, kick, scream, cry, swear, RAGE!!!!! esp at my aunt! I am having memories and I want to k*** a woman who is already dead! (not acting on feelings, but I identify with these feelings).

I am noticing that I explode from time to time because I don't know yet how to express my anger. I usually walk on the beach, but that's hard when I am sick and shut in.

From *day one* society expected me to be a good little saint and never even asked me if I had been abused; had to figure everything out myself and in lay support groups! Thank goodness for PC and support groups!

I identify, too, with feeling like 2 of me---rational, sensible Billi and this other "creature/monster".

thanks,

Billi