Maybe the problem is only the degree to which you ask for things? I think it's essential that we be able to speak up and ask for things that are important to us. However, if we do it constantly, then it may be a problem. Constantly being in control can be off-putting to others.

I don't think you should feel ashamed of this. It's just the flip side of NOT being able to speak up for what we need, which is my problem. And yeah, I'm kind of ashamed of that, so I know of what I speak. It's the middle ground we need to find, a balance.

This is something you should be able to improve by talking about it in therapy. If you can put aside the shame and work on it, I really believe you can find that balance and let go of some of that control. When you do, I think you'll find that it's really a relief - it takes so much effort to be in control all the time, and then there's the fear of what will happen if you're NOT in control.