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Old Aug 02, 2012, 12:20 PM
minneymouse minneymouse is offline
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Member Since: May 2012
Posts: 120
Thanks everyone. I realise from your replies that I am quite unclear about what I actually do and what is problematic. I have asked T for things and she has said things like 'yes of course' and never even hinted that it was problematic. Now after 3 years it feels like she is rewriting history by turning around and saying she felt 'made' to do everything. It feels gutting actually. I am just running through in my head all the things she has done for me and wondering if they were all meaningless because I just orchestrated the whole thing.

I am just all over the place. When I started with T, we agreed that the contingencies for everything would be totally clear. For example, she would *never* just randomly contact me- because then I would be in constant hope that she would do it again, would be trying to work out what had made her do it, so I could do it again. Instead, we have had a very predictable relationship. We agree what our contact will be like, and that's how it happens. If I need something extra, I can ask and she will do it if possible. Over time I have become able to cope with her doing the odd spontaneous thing e.g. buying me a card in a shop just because it reminded her of me without wanting it to happen again or trying to make it happen again. *However* thinking about it now, she didn't give me the card at that time- she did it at a predictable time (a time when she would always give me a card). I don't know what to think about anything that has happened, or anything that will happen from here.