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today I've been thinking a lot about the future, and what it could possibly hold for me. through this i realized that i have no idea whats next. i have no family, a few friends but not super close to anyone, and now that me and my "fiance" are splitting up, i have no body. i literally am not loved by a single person and pretty much just don't exist to the world at all. i have no one that cares about me and no one that would be lost if i died. i don't have anywhere to go or anyone to talk to except usernames on a screen. i have no clue how to take the next step, except to move out of state where i don't know a single person and try to start fresh. but that means meeting new people and having to tell them about myself and my past and i don't like talking about my life. no one around me understands what I've been through and how it has effected the person I've grown to be. i feel like my childhood has completely ruined my whole life and i will never get past it. all i want is to start over and have a real family and to grow up normal with normal social skills and normal thoughts and normal emotions. but that cant happen. i just want to have a family that i know will always be there for me when i have nothing else. i don't understand what i did to be dealt such a ****** life. i just want to feel nothing and care about nothing. there's no point.
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