I felt a lot of that until I was about 35 years old. I married the love of my life when I was 39. I would move, if I thought that would help me, and find a good therapist and start seeing how much of the "good" life I could build for myself. I don't think anyone here would say they "grew up normal with normal social skills and normal thoughts and normal emotions and a family that they know will always be there," ever. My theory is that you struggle with ugly stuff until you are 30+ then take the next 30+ years trying to sort it all out and when you do, you're done.

One of my favorite quotes, "the happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story". It tells me, if I'm not happy, I still have time to work and make it so before the end of the story.